Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
