yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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