We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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