Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
