It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
