the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
