I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
