You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
