Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
