Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
