6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize