My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
