You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
