Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
