im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize