Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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