So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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