I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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