i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
