I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
