I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
