I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
