if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
