Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
