DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
