in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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