Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
