"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
