you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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