you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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