He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize