In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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