First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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