I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
