I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
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