He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
