He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Panties = found
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
