Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
