We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
