I cannot find my penis.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Randomize
