just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
