Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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