You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
