I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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