and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
