Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize