so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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