ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
