pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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