how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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