I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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