FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
