Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Someone shit on the floor
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
