Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
