Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize