Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
