the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
