apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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