he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she looked like the before picture.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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