The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
