i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
