Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
