So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
