Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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