I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
