she woke up with a sticky ear
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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