Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
