OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
