Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize