Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
