U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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